Is Narcissism The Best Strategy To Begin A Dating Relationship?

Is Narcissism The Best Strategy To Begin A Dating Relationship?

The three dating personalities we will be considering today are

  1. The Needy/ Comfort-Builders/ Nice Guys

This is the group that respects what others, especially women think and does not care about what they as men personally think.

2. The Non-needy/ Healthy/ Naturals

This is the group that respects what they personally as men think, but also respect what other people think.

3. Needless/ Narcissistic/ Attractor/ Players

This is the group that only respects what they personally think, as men and do not respect what others think.


No one is purely one or the other, all men fall somewhere on the continuum. For instance not all comfort builders are needy and not all attractors are non-needy. This is merely referring to a dating strategy taken to the extreme.

The words narcissist and narcissistic are here not being used as a value judgement but rather as a dating strategy and will be defined as such.

As such these are not all or nothing statements but rather a general guide, as human psychology is not an exact science and can be influenced by a whole host of factors.

SEX Match Up

Needy Men: Needy women.

Non-Needy Men: Needy women, healthy women, narcissistic women

Needless Men: Needy women, healthy women, narcissistic women.

Relationships Match Up

Needy Men: Needy women

Non-needy men: Healthy women

Needless Men: Needy women, healthy women, narcissistic women.

While all men, needy, non-needy and needless can technically date and start sexual relationships with needy, non-needy and needless women. The relationships that are the easiest to happen are:

Needy men can attract needy women due to their similarities. But needy men will have a hard time attracting women with a healthy self-esteem or women with a better than healthy self-esteem, whether for dating or a sexual relationship.

Healthy men can attract all women for a sexual relationship but are less likely to choose needy women or narcissistic women for a long term relationship, which is why there are so few men willing to start relationships with powerful women.

Needless or narcissistic men
are by their nature most attractive to women for sexual relationships, and are able to start relationships with needy, healthy and narcissistic women with the caveat being, in the relationship there will be compromise…on the part of the women.

This is made easier for narcissistic men because of the closeness in definitions between narcissism, confidence and high-self-esteem.

Narcissism: selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

Confidence:  a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

Self-esteem:           confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect

There are most assuredly differences between all three, but both non-needy and narcissistic men exhibit high self-esteem and confidence, false or not. And when you first meet a woman depending on if she is attracted to you or not, the difference between healthy and narcissistic may matter very little.

Moreover narcissism is itself a personality trait or in extreme cases a mental disorder (that is; it can adversely affect the bearer’s life) and so will not all of a sudden develop full blown in a person who is merely mimicking it.

Moreover there are very many benefits to mimicking narcissistic traits in a whole host of social interactions some examples include but are not limited to

Benefits Of Narcissism

  1. Confidence, real or imagined the appearance of confidence is attractive to everyone. Narcissists are the biggest proponents of ‘faking it till you make it’, only for them its better because they honestly don’t believe they are faking it.

  2. Narcissists are polarizing: Narcissists are not afraid of not being liked, which ironically makes them more likely to be liked.

  3. Narcissists care about how they are seen both physically and in social settings, because narcissists put in the effort to actively manage their image and physical appearance they are seen as more attractive.

  4. Narcissists have no problem moving on when they meet women that are unreceptive to them or that they deem unsuitable for dating for whatever reason. Because of this narcissists never get friend zoned or waste time pining for or trying to start relationships with uninterested women.

  5. Narcissists max out their physical and mental attractiveness and so in a given dating land-scape they are at or near the top of the dating hierarchy.

  6. Narcissists firmly believe they can handle any problem, and because of this “can-do-spirit”, real or imagined, they are seen as highly capable and so often achieve or are bestowed leadership roles and authority.

I personally cannot see practical differences between narcissistic personality traits and high self-esteem, aside from the likability of the person, by that I mean a leader that is well likes is described as confident, charismatic and said to have high ‘Healthy’ self-esteem.

Whereas that same leader if he is not liked, is described as ‘narcissistic’. 

This is a practical comparison rather than a psychological one. 

Moreover, every person that has achieved success of note be it in the realm of business (ceos, billionaires) sport (world champions of every sport) art (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Pulitzer prize winners) and even in politics (governors, presidents, cabinet members), in short leaders of every stripe;

I believe, and research backs me up, have a high level of narcissism, or they simply would not be able to deal with the pressures of believing that they can achieve, what the overwhelming majority of people can not.


In conclusion I believe that narcissism is the most effective short term dating strategy for beginning dating and sexual relationships available to humans. While it is not the best long term dating strategy, it is the most effective strategy for getting your “foot in the door” so to speak.

And once the relationship has begun, men are free to be more like themselves and do the best they can, just as their partners will.

There may be some of you that believe putting on the personality traits of a narcissist in order to attract a partner is deceitful, and to that I respond the act of putting together a resume is deceitful and being on your best behavior during a job interview is deceitful. 

I do not believe taking on the favorable traits of others is deceitful, instead I believe it is intelligent, it’s what we all do, men and women alike, we all put our best foot foward.

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Gori ‘The Truth’ Olufon is the top Men’s dating coach in the D.C area.

He offers travel and local Dating Communication Bootcamps as well as shares 

bleeding edge articles on Dating Communications. For both and more visit