NO More MR Nice Guy! by Robert A Glover: A Reaction

NO More MR Nice Guy! by Robert A Glover: A Reaction

I’ve been recommended this book by a lot of students, and I didn’t read it because of the title. This was a mistake.

Just read No More Mr Nice Guy! by Robert A Glover and this is my reaction to it, and not a book report. Every guy should read this book not because we are all Nice Guys! but because if we are not, we live with enough of them, that taking the time to understand them would be very advantageous to say the least.

One thing I have never considered myself to be is, a Nice Guy, more The Bad Guy really. I realize now I put myself in that role because of my life experiences up till now, what I realize now is it was incorrect.

I’m not the Bad Guy or the Nice Guy, I was, am the Hurt Guy, the Angry Guy and ironically I’m actually the Good guy. Let me explain.


Background

First a little background, I grew up in a loving but dysfunctional way. Dad didn’t live with me or indeed was ever really there, so I essentially tried to teach my young self to be a man, through movies, tv and books and by being the opposite of what is feminine.

For me that meant, sports and martial arts, dealing with my young rage and focusing on solutions. What I realize now is you can’t become a man by doing what is the opposite of feminine, in this case being the opposite of my mom, unfortunately dad wasn’t around enough to even rate as someone to be like or be the opposite of.


Smart readers can already see where this is going, as Glover so eloquently puts it, “The opposite of crazy is, still crazy”. Meaning by defining my personality as the opposite of my mom. Whoever I chose to try to make myself into would be equally as dysfunctional. Ah well, at the time it was all I had.


The Stabbing

Fast forward a decade, I’m in my first year of college in VA, I work out, I act, I take martial arts! I’m also a loner, personality wise, and refuse to take any s^## from anyone. This stance led to my getting into a confrontation and getting stabbed through the heart. 

That would have been a big enough issue on its own, but God wasn’t done with me yet. Not because I survived which I thank God for everyday, but because of what happened after. See I had fallen for this beautiful girl, but she wouldn’t date me because, well she says it was a race thing, but I hung on there, this was around the time I got attacked. I was in hospital for two weeks and she came to see me, could not enter the room, cried and left. 

A visiting buddy looked at me quizzically. I shrugged and said “I get it”. Meaning the tubes, the surgical staples, the scars and the near death. But honestly I was hurt.

I get out on Valentine’s day (because God has a sense of humor) and she (the girl not God) tells me she was seeing someone while I was in hospital. My heart broke.

Suddenly all the messages I had gotten as a child, that I had strived my whole life to prove wrong got proven right.

  1. I’m unlovable

  2. I should be abandoned

  3. People especially women will hurt you

  4. No one will love you

  5. And if you hadn’t survived you would have literally died alone.


Inciting Incident

In that moment Truth was born. I was going to learn, how to find love, and if not love, companionship and if not companionship at least attention from girls. I vowed I would be seen. That I would make the world know I existed, and since it would not be for being loved it would be for making sure I helped the people that did not have the tools I had.


My goal became to defend the defenseless which resulted in two things, my getting two black belts and becoming obsessed with teaching others how to “really” defend themselves and my journey to becoming a dating coach, so I could show the “unpopular” “unloved” loners there was a way to fight back and not be alone.


Long story short (too late?) I defined myself by what I wanted to fight against ‘defenselessness’ and ‘the feeling of not being worthy of love’ which are great goals if I do say so myself, but it was structured on the basis of being the opposite of female, being reactive and ‘fighting the power!’ The status quo.

Recently

More recently I got so wrapped up in my job and being a symbol, I got it twisted. Because I taught starting relationships and feared being ‘seen’ it was easy to think my goals were money, girls and power.

Realization

And it took this book to remind me those aren’t my goals and it took Spider-Man: Far From Home to make it all click. (Mary-Jane reminded me of the last woman I was in love with, it reminded me of when just being in the presence of someone you care about, was better than getting with a 100, 10s)


This breakthrough only just happened and it remains to be seen if I will follow through. I’m not worried. I’m never going to sell myself short again. 


The way I see it, and to be honest the way I’ve always seen it, (but forgotten) is, you can have many women and have an okay life, or you can have one and have the best life ever. I think I’m ready for the best life ever now. I was just really, really scared. And that fear slowly started showing up in every area of my life, from my relationships, to work, everything.


Conclusion

This book helped me see that. So in conclusion, read the book. And also read what is recommended to you, especially if it’s recommended over, and over, it’s the universe trying to tell you something.


So what does this mean for my students? Am I still going to teach how to start dating (i.e sexual) relationships?

Yea, the light AND dark sides of human nature are important and need to be integrated and expressed safely and responsibly and all men and women have that. I’ve always maintained I teach communication skills. 

The only difference is, I understand how I work better, so I understand how others may work, better as well. Even if it’s just a little bit better, than when I started.


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Gori ‘The Truth’ Olufon is the top Men’s dating coach in the D.C area.

He offers travel and local Dating Communication Bootcamps as well as shares 

bleeding edge articles on Dating Communications. For both and more visit

TruthRelationshipManagement.com