How To Do The Best You Can With What You've Got

Your Assets And How To Maximize Them

  1. Your personality

You are either an attractor or a comfort-builder and both have their own pros and cons. However the good news is if you are able to incorporate key aspects of the dating style you are not, you will be able to increase your dating ability exponentially.

Cliff notes:

Attractors are attractive but need to focus on making women feel comfortable, AFTER attracting them.

Comfort-builders make people feel comfortable and need to focus on polarizing women BEFORE building rapport with them.

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2. Grooming

Hair, teeth, skin. 

Is your hair cut, neat and tidy? (Head and beard) 

Answer:Good barber or stylist.

Are your teeth white and your breath fresh? 

Answer: Brushing, dentist, mints.


Answer: Google dermatology, water, fruits and veggies, exercise. Cut your nails and keep them clean. Dermatologist.

Do you have a cologne you like?

Answer: Get one, if you like the smell, it will smell good on you.

3. Physical fitness

Can you run a mile?

Can you lift your own body weight?

Do you do something active daily?

Is the last time you stretched high school?


If you don’t know, go to a gym and ask a trainer to give you a free fitness test or look one up online.

But you already know, so go to the gym and work on something everyday.


Your life could does depend on it.

Fitter people are more attractive.

Exercise is linked with increased cognition. I.e Exercise makes you smarter, calmer and happier, these are FACTS.

4. Your voice

Is it hard for you talk over music in a club?

Do people constantly ask you to repeat yourself?

Answer: Warm your voice up.

  1. Close one nostril and hum long and hard with your mouth closed. Do this 3x alternating nostrils. Mmmmm….! Sound.

  2. Hum with mouth closed and transition to opening your mouth slightly and hum, as long and loudly as you can. 3x Mmmm to Ooooh…! Sound

  3. Hum with mouth closed, transition to mouth slightly open, then transition to mouth open as wide as you can, humming as long and as loudly as you can. 3x Mmmm to Ooooh to Aaaaaah! Sound

If you have done this correctly, your voice will become loud, grounded and deep, dare I say rich. You’ll be able to hear it. This is how you talk from now on. Do this before going out, or speaking to people.

5. How you stand.

Do you stand up straight or do you just think you do?

You should stand as though there is a cord attached to the top of your head that is being pulled towards the ceiling. This forces your shoulders back and down.


  1. Fully extend both arms to the side, (T-Pose)

  2. Then staying fully extended, bring one hand to the other across your body. So both arms meet (fully extended) on one side. I-

  3. Then re-extend the arm that travelled, back. Back to the T-pose

  4. Finally drop your arms and keep the exact position you fall into.

Congratulations, you are standing up straight, this is how you stand from now on, it may hurt if you have had bad posture for a long time. But this is how your body truly wants to stand, so practice and focus and this will become normal.

6. Your body language

  1. Stand up straight

  2. Relax (see 7)

  3. Drop your shoulders

  4. Stop folding your arms (it’s a fear/defensive position) Evolutionarily speaking it protects your heart and lungs.

  5. Never clench your fists outside a physical altercation. It’s aggressive, duh.

  6. Don’t cross your arms over your body, so don’t hold a drink/your phone/ your watch in front of you. Don’t grab your elbows. All these are defensive postures.

You want to stand with your arms at your side, or otherwise open, essentially always be ready to get a surprise hug.

  7. Smile. It’s the most confident thing you can do with your face.

Don’t grin like an idiot although that works too. Listen to comedy on Pandora before you go out, so you always have something hilarious on your mind. And DO NOT be afraid to smile, if you smile at a woman and she does not smile back. So what? 

Humans have mirror neurons in our foreheads, which is how we have empathy, mirror each other and take social cues. So whenever we look at a human face we unconsciously mirror the expression. If we see smiling we smile, that’s how smiling and yawning are unconscious. We smile at smiling (genuine smiling, which recruits the eye muscles), even if it is for a nano second. And so we feel good, and want to look at that face more.

If we see frowning, we frown for a nano second, feel bad and don’t want to look at that face again or get upset at the person, just for frowning and making us feel bad.

If a face is completely neutral we look at it as more of an object and can’t read it which invites speculation and interpretation, but that is advanced, for now just trust me, to quote the great poets The Killers, “SMILE, LIKE YOU MEAN IT”

8. Get big and take up space: Humans are territorial, so always have a territory you have taken over, man spread, put your arms over things.

9. Learn to free-sytle dance by yourself, without feeling self-conscious, it portrays, fitness, creativity, confidence and virility (I s&*% you not there have been studies done that link dancing with testosterone and that women instinctively get this.)

10. Walk like Batman:

What I mean is, there’s walking to transport your body. (Comfortable, done without thought.)

There’s walking that shows you have purpose. (Striding, the kind of walking you do when you are late.)

There is walking with confidence. (Standing up straight and shoulders back, slow, more relaxed, marching, like Bernthal does in Netflix’s The Punisher)

Then there’s walking like you are the Baddest man on the planet. (Like you are about to face 300 soldiers and are confident you will beat them all with your bare hands. Slow, relaxed and full of SWAG. Or how you’d walk if you had a BILLION $ and were wearing a $10,000 suit. In fact get a suit complete with nice shoes and imagine you are James Bond (The Daniel Craig version) Yes! That’s the walk!

7. Do you have Good, Positive Energy?


Exercise: Minimum 30 minutes a day

Sleep: 8 hours a night

Diet: Is it balanced or do you eat fast food everyday?

Water: Stop drinking soda, I beg of you.

Meditation: You can benefits of meditation doing it for as little as 2 minutes a day. Start there if it’s hard and work your way up.

8. How to meditate:

Set a timer, sit down comfortable, make your back as straight as it can be (you can lean on a straight backed chair, say) pick a spot on a wall, stare at it breathing deeply and think of nothing until the timer goes off.

There are fancier and more complicated ways to meditate but at its core it is sitting with your eyes open and thinking of nothing. Naturally thoughts will pop-up and that’s fine, let them, simply go back to thinking of nothing when you can. The ‘trying’ to think of nothing IS the meditation.

9. Your Career

Are you working towards a career goal?

Have you picked a career goal?

If the answers are no start with the, second, and begin the first. ‘Some job’, whether you get paid well or not does not count. Humans find purpose in the journey to something worthwhile. So begin your journey to doing something worthwhile.

And save, women are built to want a man with resources. Hate it or love it, it’s a fact and won’t change.

Just as men are built to want a woman that is attractive. Women hate it or love it however it’s a fact and won’t change.

10. Style:

1. Do people compliment you in some clothes and not others?

       Answer: Wear the clothes you get complimented on.

Do you wear t-shirts and jeans exclusively and never ironically?

Answer: It might be time to dress (at least some of the time) like a grown up with a job, a career and is going somewhere in life.

Do your clothes fit or do you just use them to cover your body?

Answer: They should fit.


 Button downs




  1. Are your clothes in style?

  2. Have you asked the opinion of women?

  3. Do the colors and textures you wear compliment, your skin color and personality?

  4. Do you peacock correctly?

Peacocking is not just wearing something flashy that attracts attention form women, and sniggers from guys, it should be a clue into your personality.

For instance I peacock with cow-boy hats, this lets people know, that on some level, I see myself as tough, rugged and not easily swayed by what others might think, e.g I just smile and answer people truthfully when they ask if I’m from Texas. I say ’No’.  If they are obnoxious they ask why I’m wearing a cowboy hat. If it’s day I say to shade my head, if it’s night I simply reply, “because I want to”.

  1. Shoes are key. What do your shoes say?

I wear hi-top converse. They say, I’m not overly formal, I don’t overly care and I like to be able to run when I need to.

  1. Does how you dress reflect how you want to be seen?

Myself for example, I dress in button downs (sometimes I add a red tie) or polos and wear cloth shorts or slacks.  Coupled with fastidious exercise, the effect is ‘Civilize the mind, make savage the body.’

Or I wear a ‘Cruel Intentions’ t-shirt unironicaly, the idea is to not only draw attention but to create a question in the eye of the beholder, due to the dichotomy. There is dichotomy because I am black and the characters in ‘Cruel Intentions’ are white.

Dichotomy: a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.

In conclusion while some are hard and fast rules, when it comes, to exercise, style and clothes, you have a lot of leeway to express yourself, not only as how you are but as who you want to be.

Like the old adage says, “Dress for the job you want.”

Gori ‘The Truth’ Olufon is the top Men’s dating coach in the D.C area.

He offers travel and local Dating Communication Bootcamps as well as shares 

bleeding edge articles on Dating Communications. For both and more visit