Bootcamp In A Book 5: Staying In Set

Bootcamp In A Book 5: Staying In Set

‘Staying in set’ simply means finding a woman you are interested in, that is interested in you and spending time with her, it’s like a date, but it happens when you meet her.

  1. Have a wing

The easiest way to stay in set is to have a ‘Wing-man’ his purpose is to help you deal with logistics such as:

  1. Help you get in state. (Into a communicative mood)

  2. Help or (make) you open when you decide “now is not the time”.

  3. Help you deal with obstacles (her friend(s) male and female.

  4. Make you look good.

  5. Give you real time advice.

  6. Diffuse or provide back up in case of conflict. Which is as you all know, is how humans roll.

  7. Help you tell stories or run paired routines.

  8. Help you demonstrate your personality and how you treat those close to you.

  9. Someone to keep you company and have fun with.

  10. Helps you maintain perspective and to provide encouragement when you feel like giving up.

2. Relax, choose and begin

When in venue and surrounded by many beautiful women it is easy to get paralyzed from too many choices. “Should I talk to her, or should I talk to HER” 

Relax: It’s an illusion, the choice is not really as varied as it looks , e.g if there are a 100 women

  1. You are only really attracted to say 50.

  2. And only about 50 are really attracted to you.

  3. Of that 50 only about 25 are single.

  4. Of that 25, only 10 will be willing to talk to you all night.

  5. Of that 10 only 5 will be willing to start a relationship.

  6. Of that 5 only 1, will be willing to go home with you that night.

*This is only an example. As it is impossible to actually predict these stats.

My point is rather than being overwhelmed, or *burning the venue down, simply relax, choose and begin. Do not open women with a pre-established outcome in mind, that you hope goes exactly according to plan , because no plan survives first contact. Have a plan but be willing and happy to abandon it, mid-set, because women are complicated and you have no control over her, other people or the venue. However you do have control over yourself.

*burning the venue down; is to run around the venue opening women and ejecting the moment your attention wanders, or you get resistance. The result of this is a venue full of women that will close off from you and your wing. Hence “burning the club down”.

3. The easiest thing for a guy to do when interested in a woman is give up. Have a thick skin.

Just like the easiest thing for a woman to do mid-set is to reject you. So don’t give up at the slightest hint of resistance, it is absolutely a test, maybe not consciously, she may be married after all, but a test all the same. Assume the universe will test you, because it will. When was the last time a worthwhile goal fell into your lap? 

That said in today’s climate women have gotten a lot of power very fast, which is awesome for you by the way, more on that later, women now give way more token resistance for you to overcome.  

3. Be respectful

Keep your hands to yourself! Unless invited to touch, through verbal consent or an obvious non-verbal invitation, worst comes to worst, ask or begin with something innocent like a handshake or hug. A good rule of thumb is to begin touch with how you would touch a person of the same sex you are not attracted to and don’t know.

(This may be controversial in today’s climate but it is b.s humans touch as part of communication and its weirder not to touch than to do so, the key is to be respectful.) There’s more, but on with the list! I will do a more involved blog on touch/ physical escalation.


4. Say what you need to say

Students want to know what the magic words are to unlock a woman’s heart, my answer is talking about whatever you want, in a confident, playful way.

The “stats” are in quotes because experts disagree on what the actual percentages are

“55% is your body language

38% is your speaking tone

7% what you actually say”

When you talk with friends you care about, you are not actively thinking about body-language, and tone, but the words come out clear, confident and your body language matches your words perfectly, so speak to her like you would a close friend. Decide what your opener is and go from there.

This is not to say, you should not have a plan, or any kind of go-to routine, you should have polished personal stories, know when to leave attraction and go into comfort and definitely know how to time-bridge, you should have a plan, but gone are the days of simply stacking routines, that’s what stand-up comics do, and they can do that because the audience isn’t talking back, usually,

Dogmatically sticking to a script, while amazing for sales, will close you off from the clues about herself she gives you during your conversation.

E.g If she says “I want to go home.” but you decide she wants to leave you and automatically try and get her to stay, she will be disappointed, IF she actually meant she wants you to come with and you misunderstood.

So talk to her and not at her. And if she refuses to add anything to the conversation and chooses not to engage with you, that means something too. That she is not interested, or you have not created enough attraction. A simple, “I think you’re really cool, but am I boring you?” will allow her to give you a direct answer, it also shows confidence, then she either says ‘yes’, and you leave or she says ‘no’ and adjusts so you don’t leave. Neither of you owes the other anything.

4. Time-bridge quickly

This is your actual goal. To see her again, so from when you see her till you have established comfort with her, gauge what is it in your life that she would be interested in doing with you. It doesn’t even have to be something you do regularly it could be a special occasion or party, but instead of wondering how to take her home, wonder how you can see her again. Seeing her again increases your odds of being in her life dramatically (duh) as most men that approach her will never get to that stage. 

  1. Mine the conversation like a detective.

  2. Seed the conversation with off-hand remarks about cool social things you do, (if you don’t have any for goodness sake get some) or are going to do. See what grabs her attention. Her response to the right event should be something like “oh my God that sounds like so much fun” or “I’ve always wanted to (fill in the blank)”

  3. Carry on the conversation and when you are both firmly in comfort, after the hook point, (the point where neither of you wants to leave the other) and during a lull in conversation, invite her to the event. And get her information.

  4. Simply getting her information is just an invitation for her number to sit in your phone. Without a time bridge, why should she respond to you? This goes both ways by the way, if you don’t have a reason to see her again, what’s to stop you from just going out the next night and getting another girl’s number. If you are anything like me, which I’m guessing you are, nothing.


5. How Time-Bridging Helps you that night.

I’ve mentioned this before but it bears repeating, once you time bridge with a woman, she will time travel to the established event with you in her imagination, and if it is as glorious as you have set it up/ described it to be, she will travel back with a decision on whether she likes you or not. If she has decided she likes you enough, and wants you enough, because of your, proper opening, strong attraction, strong comfort, and if the logistics are just right, she will wonder, “why wait?” And be receptive to you both “just happening” to spend the night together or if she is more confident she may straight up ask you to take her home, or to come home with you.

Don’t bank on this however, statistically sex is most likely to happen on day 2, so hang in there.

6. Avoid Time-wasters

  1. Screen, screen, screen, if you are not that attracted to her, over the hours you spend in set with her, she will figure it out.

  2. If she is only visiting for the night or weekend, figure out when she is leaving.

  3. Figure out if she is only using you for attention, there is literally nothing stopping her from trading up to another guy mid set.

  4. If she tries to pit you against some other guy that is showing her interest, walk away, unless you have a good reason not to.

  5. If she begins demanding money be spent on her before you have even reached comfort with her, don’t just leave but be wary.

  6. Don’t be afraid to disagree with her, comfort is a two way street, and if she is bratty or extremely disagreeable when she doesn’t have her way, you want to know that now.

  7. In comfort, ask about past relationships to gauge how she see’s and treats men.

  8. Read her body-language as best you can, if after 30 minutes to an hour of attraction and comfort she still keeps her distance from you, note that, and if you’re really confident ask about it, you deserve to know.

  9. Take note of how her friends behave, it’s easy for her to put on an act in front of you for a couple of hours, but the niceness or means of her friends is a more accurate gauge of what she is really like. “Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are.”

  10. Never be afraid to walk away. I’m not saying walk away, I’m not saying don’t. Everyone is different, and every situation is different, add the venue, who is there and logistics, and you start to see you have no control over anything but yourself. Simply never be afraid to walk away, and don’t hide this fact either.


7. Logistics, logistics, logistics

The only thing you control is you, so square your logistics away.

  1. Have condoms, laugh, if you want but I am deadly serious.

  2. Have your or rather, *her, seduction location squared away.

This means it should be reasonably private, clean and have food and alcohol. or anything else you feel you might need.

*Men don’t seduce, women do, you are only responsible for opening, attracting her, building comfort and competently setting up a day 2.

  1. Know how you’re getting you and her back to your place safely. Uber, unless you don’t drink.

  2. If you live far away, be prepared to keep her engaged the whole time, or find a place closer, hotel or Airbnb. Before hand, duh.


8. No means no.

This is obvious, but when you are back at your or her place and you both take your clothes off, and you are excited, some women, (thankfully very few but enough that if can and likely will happen to you as you get better at this.) Will say ’no’ I just want cuddle or some derivative of this.

It may be a test, it may be not, however it’s not worth violating someone’s rights. Personally I shut everything down and go to sleep, if I can, because I know, she wants me just as much if not more than I want her.

Sometimes she will initiate sex, later or the next day, sometimes she won’t, take it in stride, at least you got this far.

This is not to be confused with a girl saying “I’m not going to sleep with you” randomly in set, while actively flirting with you. This is her abdicating responsibility for what she wants to do, it’s so she does not feel ‘easy’ hopefully the advent of more power to women in society reduces this, it won’t be by much though, humans are humans. When you hear her say that phrase sex is all but guaranteed, however, she will be initiating it. If she does not er on the side of caution. ’No still means no.’ I cannot stress this enough.

Indemnify yourself by asking “are you okay?” through out the process.


Yea, that got real. 

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Gori ‘The Truth’ Olufon is the top Men’s dating coach in the D.C area.

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