Being Alone Sucks; Especially Since You Don't Have To Be

The Universal Truth is Being Alone Sucks: Especially Since You Don’t Have To Be

From the Bible to Special Forces training to Business, to raising humans, being alone sucks whether its “It is not good that man should be alone” to “Individuals play the game but teams beat the odds” to” “We’ll be together whatever the weather whether we like it or not.”

Those quotes are from groups as disparate as the Bible, the SEALs and acting.

Simply put humans are designed to work together, we cannot live without each other, we cannot even die without each other, its inefficient, it doesn’t work and it is ineffective (I know those are synonyms).

Trying to rely on things instead of people is what addiction is. After a hard day we are designed to commiserate and seek empathy from our tribe, the short circuit is, commiserating and seeking empathy (dopamine) from nicotine, alcohol, gambling, drugs, meaningless sex, porn, work, food and most pernicious of all SOCIAL MEDIA!

Studies have shown lack of human contact will literally drive you crazy. They also show you need three hugs a day. They also show that humans spend less free time with friends than at any other point in history.

No wonder, no one can tell stories, strike conversations up with strangers or know how to talk to the opposite sex. We are all at the mercy of the very  isolating, instigating, divisive and disenfranchising effects of social media.

It’s to the point no one knows who their friends really are.

Solution:

Openness of Spirit: We have no choice anymore, we have to take socializing seriously, not just something to do with strangers on the weekend. Doing the thing that scares us is how we find the people that we are supposed to meet. 

Not necessarily the people most like us, that experiment was an epic fail, (you know? The one on social media where we only talked to the people that agreed with us and lost sight of the fact that we are all in this together.)

But the people we are supposed to meet. The ones that share our deepest hopes and dreams, the ones that do not necessarily make all the sense, dreams of acting, poetry, starting a niche business, taking up a sport or game, that beautiful guy or girl, that takes your breath away. You know? The scary stuff. That’s where life is.

And I know we all have rules for romantic relationships, standards, boundaries etcetera, but at what point do those boundaries stop helping and start isolating you? Sure you can ‘game’ according to the rules of dating coaches that run the spectrum of, for men, for women, for pick up artists, I include myself, but I can’t help but wonder maybe these rules are what is best for the ‘gurus’ in the industry and only serve to keep you hooked.

I suggest a ‘use what works and leave the rest’ mentality when it comes to my advice, because the truth is (pun intended) I break my “rules” all the time in search of a better way to be.

I’ve been an asshole, a narcissist, a player, celibate, sex addicted and used no game. Now I focus on the good and keep my spirit open. You could say I have an advantage and you’d be right, but with deep self-reflection or taking one of my bootcamps, ahem, you would discover YOUR advantage, we all have advantages, they’re just different as it should be. This by the way is the founding principle of my classes.

In conclusion, loneliness is messing with your health, your wealth and your future relationships, you aren’t designed to be lonely and it is not a sign of strength quite the opposite, it is pointless suffering.

So put the phone down! And pay attention to who is in front of you, get off the computer and go meet people, and don’t even get me started on online dating.

Too late, I am started, it worked when not everyone was on there because people were there to actually meet, now everyone is on there, so why would it be more effective than meeting in real life? It’s not special anymore!