Approaching single-mindedly is your best hope of success. Here's How.

Approaching single-mindedly is your best hope of success. Here's How.

Nothing in life is going to just be handed to you if you want something you have to go get it. This goes for anything including and especially relationships with women. Yes, there are times women will be receptive to you, off the bat, but that is still because of the work you put in on yourself.


The ability to approach and open women single-mindedly is key. You can make it seem like an approach just happened, but that can’t be the reality.

  1. In order to do this effectively as I discovered after a brief stint as a door-to-door salesman, you have to do the opposite of conventional wisdom. Conventional wisdom is to think of your audience, in this case, women, and most of the time this is correct. But not when it comes to approaching, this is because you can think of things from a woman’s perspective all you want, but you will never truly know if she’s interested in you until you approach. She most likely does not know if she is interested in you until you approach, most people do not think of theoretical options until they are presented. Put another way how can she know she wants you if she doesn’t know she has the option?

2. If you half-ass the approach, how can she take you seriously? Approaching can be awkward, you don’t know each other and she wasn’t expecting a hot guy to suddenly approach her. So confidently open, break the ice and state why you are there. Don’t play games, the only reason to beat around the bush is to avoid getting rejected, but that, will all but guarantee you get rejected. The only real use a girl that does not know you has for you is as a potential partner. You can be as indirect as you want but your intent has to be clear. All that said at this point you are strapped to the rocket and can get blown away at any point. You know it and she knows it, so do what you do on job interviews appear confident and hope for the best.

3. Approaching single-mindedly is your best hope of success. Remember she does not know you! She is using all the context clues you give her to evaluate you and make her choice. Let’s use the interview metaphor. Did you arrive on time or skulk around trying to build your confidence up? Did you arrive too early? (Pro tip: Never approach girls in a venue that have just arrived, give them time to get acclimated.) Did you dress for the job you want? Are you visibly intimidated? Or are you confident you are the right man for the job? Do you waffle and turn your opinions into her’s? Some girls like that because it makes them feel powerful, but in the end, she wants an intelligent strong-willed guy, that will show/teach her something new, she has her friends to agree with her. Don’t be a kiss ass. Respect and politeness are key, but not too much, women are not made of porcelain. No matter what SJWs want you to believe, they are tough and strong and if you can’t see that, they will ultimately reject you because while being on a pedestal is fun, it’s not as fun as interacting on the same level. This is why women like ‘jerks’. Jerks treat women like people, not fine china.


The ability to take rejection on the chin, and maintain your internal equilibrium is key. This can’t be faked or you will make yourself crazy and bitter or worse you’ll start avoiding any chance of being rejected. That is a one-way ticket to never achieving anything in life, not just dating. No risk, no reward, no pain no gain, nothing ventured nothing gained etc, etc.

  1. The number one person who’s back you should have is yours. Approaching is not the time to be considerate if it was you would never approach, because there is never an inherent need to.

  2. Know and like yourself, your accomplishments, your good qualities, what is attractive about you and most importantly what you want in a woman. If you approach not knowing these things you will be too easy to blow out because you won’t know what you are doing.

  3. Know before you approach that ALL responsibility for how the interaction starts is on you, and KNOW before the interaction starts that all responsibility for how the interaction ends is, also on you. The woman is only responsible for the middle part. The reason is very ironic and counter-intuitive. The reason is the more responsibility you take for the interaction the easier it is to shrug off rejection. Conversely the less responsibility you accept for the rejection the more blaming and anger creep in. Put another way if I approach like a gentleman and I am perfectly respectful and confident while I open, the easier for me to realize, this rejection is not about me, she has some other stuff going on that I am not privy to.


Guy: Nice dress!

Girl: Fuck OFF!!!

Who over reacted in that exchange?

Often women purposely reject you, just to see how you handle it, before deciding if you are worth her time. Remember she gets hit on every day, likely multiple times a day. Why should you be the door-to-door dick salesman she buys from?


In conclusion, no one is going to put your dating life in order for you. Like a little kid, being bullied, or challenged to his first fight, no one can really solve the problem for you. Not even me the DC Dating coach, other people can advise, coach and offer wisdom, but you are the only one that can actually do the work. As I often tell my students “I can’t get her for you because I can’t f*&) her for you.”

But by taking maximum responsibility for opening and for shrugging off rejections, you get closer to actually knowing what women are likely to be interested.

Pro-Tip: Rejection Games

Single Player

  1. ‘Hi’ Game: Say hi to women. You get a point every time she verbally responds.

  2. Dance version: Enter the dance floor and ask girls to dance. You get two points for every ‘no’. And after every ‘yes’ you start over. See if you can get to 10.


  1. ‘Hi’ Game: Say hi to women. No getting hi’s from the same women. The response must be verbal and audible. Use the honor code. Keep track of points. First to 10 wins.

  2. Dance version: Enter the dance floor and ask girls to dance, for every ‘Yes’ 1 point. Dance. For every ’No’ 2 points. First to 10 wins.

Result: Your confidence will appear astronomical to women.

Dark Game Warning: I’ve played the dance version with women that have blown out my students, and the reaction to a guy that goes down the list of a group of girls asking them to dance, when their goal is clearly to shut him down is f*^%ing hilarious. They always lose their  s&*(.

Gori ‘The Truth’ Olufon is the top Men’s dating coach in the D.C area.

He offers travel and local Dating Communication Bootcamps as well as shares bleeding-edge articles on Dating Communications. For both and more visit