It’s that instinctual fear that prevents a guy from approaching a woman he is attracted to, but does not know. It is a male instinct, in-born, in all guys, from the most confident and attractive to the most shy.
It served it’s purpose long ago when we lived in small tribes, in that there used to be real dangers it protected you from.
1. Approaching a female you did not know could actually have, resulted in death. Her mate or family had every reason to not want any random men near their women because there was no birth-control back then and babies like now, were expensive.
2. During this time, there were so few single young women, (babies died often) word of a rejection from one woman, could spread quickly and result in a male being rejected by all the other women in the tribe.
Reason 1. Is no longer an issue because we live in a civilized society. Now, if you approach a woman who already has a boyfriend or husband, she simply tells you. And as long as you are not a dick about it, not much happens after that.
Reason 2. Is no longer an issue because, unlike back then, everyone doesn’t know each other, and even if they do, no one cares. The only people that make fun (care) are women who wish they were the ones being approached or guys who wish they had the balls to approach. True, some women, very rarely, think being rude to guys that approach them is fun, but they’re doing you a favor: why would you want anything to do with rude people anyway?
And here’s the truth about approaching whether you have success or crash and burn. Each time you approach you earn the respect of the people watching, the woman you approached and most importantly of yourself. It may feel lousy to get rejected but the truth is you put yourself out there and you are still standing.
MEN HAVE, TO APPROACH, that is the only way more people get made. Yes, women choose, and sometimes women approach, but to wait for that, is to plan to win the lottery: it probably won’t be you.
The natural order of things is that guys do the approaching.
Okay how do we beat approach anxiety?
It depends on your personality type. There are Attractors and there are Comfort builders.
These are guys that easily spark attraction in women, through their physicality, intuitive understanding of female psychology or natural confidence.
These guys have the ability to make anyone in their vicinity comfortable with them instantly. They make friends with women easily, almost effortlessly.
In order to beat approach anxiety, attractors should generally be indirect, striking up conversation about anything but their sexual interest in her.
The reason is that attractors are not generally adept at making women they don’t know feel comfortable. By asking a real question about her, he is showing his interest in more than just her physical appearance, he is showing interest in her mind.
Comfort Builders Strategy:
In order to beat approach anxiety, comfort builders should do the opposite: it is so easy for comfort builders to make friends, that they have to make a point of stating their interest at the very beginning. It does not have to be weird or awkward, a simple “You look lovely today” or “I knew I had to say something” will suffice. I know, easier said than done.
Many comfort builders are also afraid to be seen as a nuisance or needy. Reframe that feeling because, who doesn’t like to be told they look lovely? I know I do. It’s a polite compliment, you're making people feel good through your natural friend-making ability. An absolute positive.
You have to approach. It is the only way this works, so get over yourself and get out of your own way. No one wants to hear your excuses. I know I don’t. So sack up and get out there.
Yes! You’re helping, you think that woman checking you out from across the bar is eventually going to walk up to you and introduce herself? Unlikely. On the other hand, wouldn’t you be suspicious if a bunch of supermodels surrounded you as soon as you walked into a venue? Of course you would.
So in this area of your life, at least, take control of the natural order of things. That said, don’t be an asshole, be respectful and aim to be your best self because, women, believe it or not want to help, why? Because meeting a high value guy (you) is in her best interest as well.