(10 Ways To Know You Are Going To Be, Are Being Or Have Been Used)

50 Tinder Dates: If You’ve Had It Up To Here, It’s Your Own Damn Fault Or Have Boundaries With Everybody! (10 Ways To Know You Are Going To Be, Are Being Or Have Been Used)

No one night stand in fact I hope I never see her again.

How we met: Tinder

Hotness: 6

How: Met for a drink

Experience: Bit of a user.

user (n.) - a person who uses a friend or an acquaintance solely for the purposes of gaining a type of advantage; 

Now I am not naive, no one is altruistic not even the altruistic, everyone has something to gain and is going to do their level best to get that gain and if they tell you different they are a liar. I, included.

And dating and sex is the worst, because it is unfair and can be emotionally trying, even scarring, trust me I know (have I ever told you about this scar?). And I am not talking about the usual, ‘looks, money, height’. Or our version ‘looks’. No I mean when women take it to far. 

There is nothing wrong with both of you getting what you want out of spending time together whatever those things might be, as long as you both agree to it (read R.E.S.P.E.C.T)

Alright on to the date: She saw I was a dating coach and found that interesting (they all do) we met up, she was fatter than her pictures, but doable so I didn’t just leave. I asked her to buy the 1st round and went to the bathroom.

That was a test she failed, users never buy you a drink. It’s against the ‘user code’. I got bored and suggested another bar, it’s raining and she has an umbrella, she makes no offer to share it. Strike 2.

I decide on a closer bar, she asks “why?” I say “Because it is raining.” She says “But I have an umbrella.” At this point I just walked away.

But it’s not only in dating, recently to celebrate my break up I offered two weekends of free tours. Not as many new students took them as I would like, but I got a few and met up with my old students. Then there was one that kept telling me how excited he was to take a new bootcamp. I replied “then sign up today.” His reply “oh I just want to take the free tour first and then I will sign up.” He never signed up. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why he felt he needed to lie to me. Each one of my other ‘old’ students took the tour I asked each and every one if they wanted a camp and they said ‘no’ but we still had a great time.

Solution: 

Never give anyone more than you are ready to part with. Meaning only give or offer or put in as much as you are willing to lose for nothing in return, because there are always those people who will just take and if you give more than you can live without you are screwing yourself and if you are taken advantage of, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Have boundaries. Say ’No’. Walk away. Remember it’s you first, and that’s not selfish it’s practical. If giving to the poor makes you poor, who will give to the poor?

Tinder Edition: 10 Ways To Know You Are Going To Be, Are Being Or Have Been Used

1. If she mentions dinner, when all you offered was coffee or drinks.

2. If she insists on picking the restaurant.

3.If she can’t hear you when you suggest taking turns on who pays for rounds.

4. If you are, tired, down or low energy and she only cares in as much as it effects her good time.

5. If she tries to bully you into ordering food and you don’t want to.

6. If she won’t hug you at the beginning of the date.

7. If she shrugs of your hand when you try to hold it.

8. If when you ‘bounce’ she doesn’t walk with you but separately.

9. If you make a small request and she flatly say ’No’.

10. If you honestly don’t think she’s hot enough for you. (Hint: She doesn’t think she’s hot enough for you either, she feels like you are wasting her time, and she wants to make you pay for that.)