America Pokes Black Women With A Stick And Then Goes “Look! It’s an Angry, Black Woman!”
Having a specific racial group you prefer to date to the exclusion of all other races is inherently racist. (Yes, you read that right.) Sexual preferences, proclivities and fetishes are by nature extremely personal, but they are also a big part of how we make sense of the world and our sexuality. So to exclude an entire race or races of people from your dating pool is in fact racist.
America generally stereotypes black women as "Angry" as though they had no reason to be. This pervasive portrayal is reinforced by our media when black women are type cast as volatile and crazy in movies, on T.V and in reality shows especially. Or how her unique and distinct mannerisms, features and culture becomes acceptable and mainstream only after successful appropriation. America as a whole pokes black women with a stick, waits for her to react and then proclaims “Look, look! It’s a mad black woman!” This tired and insidious trope has infected main stream culture and is a tumorous cancer, its very presence a mirror that reflects America's racism back at her, let’s cut it out; and heal.
The reason America can be racist to ‘black women’ is because “black women” are a statistic, and America eats statistics for breakfast.
Black Women: Don’t be a statistic. Don’t think like one, don’t internalize generalized problems, don’t take on every member of your group’s issues, you have a lot of your own, we all do. Ironically by bucking stereotypes and living your best life, you are fighting racism using the best weapon you can find you are proving the stereo types wrong. With every person that says, “this is true of this group except (insert your name) you are striking a blow against racism.Oprah, Beyonce, Michelle Obama, these were all ‘black women’ in America, with all the ‘angry black woman’ stereotypes brought the statistic, but they did not focus on who America told them they were, they did not let America define them, instead they went on to define themselves and in so doing redefined America. (Forward!) And I think that’s the point, no one can date a collective race, they can only date a person, or people from a race. So perhaps the focus should be on how we relate to others rather than how others relate to our entire race. Taking on the issue of a whole race of people is too much pressure for a first date or even a flirty meet-cute (meeting between love interests in a movie), no matter what race you are.
-Don’t play the race card- You can get sympathy for it but it won’t get you anywhere.
-Don’t use your gender as a crutch: You can get sympathy for it but it won’t get you anywhere.
-Don't cede your power by being a victim. You are strong and capable because you have to be. And the biggest part of being strong means knowing when and how to ask for help.
-America has more of it’s population in prison than any other country in the world. And a HUGELY disproportionate number of prisoners
are minorities. Men of child, siring and raising age. The American prison complex has decimated the African American male population and community in America.
-Don’t stop being disagreeable, as this character trait is one of the strongest predictors of economic success, when wielded correctly.
-Do, save disagreeableness, for when it is necessary. Disagreeableness shown to a man of any race trying to court you will hurt him and drive him away.
-Being disagreeable with someone who is on your side, or someone you want on your side makes no sense. If you feel slighted by someone trying to court you, raise the issue in good faith and if it is not addressed; leave. Don’t waste your energy.
NOTE: Do some men like disagreeableness and see it as a sign of strength? Absolutely, I and most men do. We just don’t like it to be aimed at us especially in the beginning of a relationship, when we know for a fact we have done nothing to deserve it.
-Do be the best YOU, you can be, because with every choice that comes from you and is not foisted upon you by America, you strike another blow for equality.
-Don’t get swept up in the ‘fight male privilege’ of it all, it is a blind ally for reasons that are outside the scope of this blog. The women spear-heading it are not your friends and are going through a whole other experience.
-Don’t fight the last battle: Don’t project the wrongs done to you by someone else on the person in front of you, who is earnestly and actively trying to connect with you. This is one of the hardest things to do, because often it is an unconscious defense mechanism, but nothing will make a man run for the hills faster.
In conclusion, dating is HARD, and there is absolutely nothing fair about it, but remember that goes for everyone. Why? Because though we all belong to groups, at the end of the day, we are all individuals, and we look for, love and date, as individuals. Put another way, every relationship is a “bad” relationship till you find the right one.
Dedicated to D, thank you for opening my eyes.