No Joke, To Everyone That Opens EVERYONE Stop! Or Please Just F***ing Stop.
No Joke, To Everyone That Opens Everyone Stop Or, Just F***ing Stop
Everyone take a deep breath, yea I know it's a big deal, but just because it's a big deal doesn't mean you should not chill the F***out.
I'm talking about the thing we are all guilty of, taking dating so seriously, we forget we are supposed to be having fun and expressing ourselves.
Lets compare dating to another super primal activity, we are born knowing how to fight, but if we want to be effective we train, we learn, we work at it. Just like with dating communications.
But once in an actual fight, tensing up and not being able to relax, reflect and in a sense play *read improvise, will render us ineffective.
This goes right along with being calm. To those of us who have to approach everyone in the room whether they are ready or not. Stop. Please stop. We know what you are doing. You are 'burning the house down' and making it more difficult for your wings and making it super easy for any guy worth his 'salt' or even not worth his 'salt' to compete with you.
"Why? I've been trained to open, open, open, there's a rule about it, it's called three seconds, heard of it?"
I hear your voice in my head RSD nation. I got that training too, but here's the thing. That advice is for noobs, A.F.C’s, it's for people for whom walking up and talking to a girl, any girl, is a victory.
Not you, now you are just being a....you're just being in the way.
Why Opening Everyone Right Away Is Dumb
1. It burns down sets. Done unskillfully you are just making it hard to be taken seriously.
2. You don't have a reason. A big way point in any set is where you tell the woman why, you are attracted to her. So aside from the fact she is physically attractive, why are you attracted to her? If you take a second, you can actually come up with something real.
3. It's no longer about who you open, begin with, but rather who you end, connect with. If you think about it not in terms of numbers, but in terms of quality, you will actually slow down, put more thought into and actually enjoy engaging with women in venue.
4. Take a second and gather intel. Not only is it cool to know if she is attached before you open, by observing. But your pointing out things you've observed, or even off handedly saying “I noticed you or I noticed so, so , so about you”, lets her know you actually put some thought into approaching her.
It lets her know she was chosen out of other choices and not just approached because she was female and near.
5. It builds sexual tension. It adds an element of inevitability when done right, it's flirting, it's teasing, it's satisfying when you eventually 'spontaneously open her' or even when she opens you.
6. Women want to hunt too.What? You think you're the only one, that likes to plan, use lures, flirt, evaluate, seduce?
No, it's right there in the steps.
Yea we approach,
We build comfort,
But seduction is still and will always be her job. And letting her do it provides a powerful release, signaling to herself just how invested she is in the interaction.
7. No one wants to be rushed. There is a reason there is foreplay, it's fun and gives you two, a chance to get on the same page.
Now if there is a time crunch by all means get in there, but otherwise make like the wise older bull in Scarface.
"Once a young bull said to his father, "Look at all those cows down there in the field, the gate's open let's run down and f*** one. To which the wise old bull replied. "No son, let's walk down and f*** them all."
To those who take offense, I agree cattle are dumb.
8. The first rule of cybernetics is, whichever circuit has the most options wins.
Put another way, don't jump at the first set you see, a better suited set may come along. "Well I can just switch sets later", I hear you say, which leads to 9.
9. Though it should not hamper you. You are very much being watched. And if all the women see is, you going from set to set, crashing and burning, why should they talk to you?
Social proof, works when you are being treated well and are the social center of the room. Not when you are running around with gasoline and matches, metaphorically of course.
10. Skill. Once you have mastered approach anxiety it takes no skill to simply open everyone. However hanging back and opening multiple sets in a plausible and seemingly organic way, is far more effective, and way more likely to lead to 'relationships.'
D.C Seminar in partnership with Pros In The City. Get tickets now, you will thank me later.