Approach Anxiety VS Anxiety, Anxiety
Hello Illuminati, in the immortal words of Jocko "let's get at it." Yesterday was an interesting day, I had a very high, high and a real moment of looking into the abyss, which got me thinking about how we deal with fear.
I woke went to yoga, took a Jiu-Jitsu class, and went directly into open roll (sparring). (I should mention I had an hour of intense fighting for my life the night before in my Fight Simulation class. Yes, I know I wasn't technically fighting for my life, but my brain didn't.
So yesterday morning, I was EXHAUSTED! I saw a girl I fancied got up, got her number and chatted her up. Why is that a big deal? I teach Game, after all. Well it's a big deal because A. I didn't plan to. B. Asking a girl out at martial arts school could lead to complications at said martial arts school. So if I wasn't elated (read anxiety free, read fear free) I wouldn't have done it, probably.
Does that make me a coward...yea it does. My rational brain says "hey martial arts is your life don't ruin it by asking a girl out." And I listened. Why? Fear is designed to keep you alive, but it's up to you to apply bravery (read know when to consciously face it and overcome it, so as not to be trapped by it.)
So I get her number I go home I text her. No reply, I actually care, I overcame fear, I risked having an issue at school, maybe I'm getting rejected and on and on. All the nonsense I train guys to deal with came after me.
So I did a weird thing I sat with those feelings. I didn't just go "this is nonsense" and push it out of my mind. I actually looked into the void.
It started with the (imagined) feeling of rejection by her, then the rejection of my school, went on to the fact I feel alone, because I'm single, to anxiety because chasing my dreams and being successful has a super high likely hood of failure. To money worries, to mistakes I've made in life and on and on and on.
And it just kept going, all the way to 'we are alone in the universe spinning on a mud ball in space'. Lol. And that is when I broke through and overcame.
See facing reality, is seeing your fears accurately, addressing them effectively and getting on with your life in spite of the fact there will always be new fears.
It's weird and going to sound weirder so please bear with me, I know the answers, precisely because I almost had my life taken away. And the answer is simple you never give into fear, you fight literally, till the end, no matter how you feel about it.
But like a Christian , which I am, just because I believe in God doesn't mean all my fears and issues magically go away.
I feel fear, I feel approach anxiety and anxiety, anxiety...but so does everybody else, so it's okay. You can face it, you will beat it even if it does not feel like you will and you will learn about yourself, you will grow as a person and you will find "answers" because it turns out that's what maturity is, the ability to face reality.
That's where all your power is hiding. In your ability to look all your short comings in the face, battle them and leave with a win, no matter how slim. It does not matter how you get that win. With support from family, friends, counsellors or maybe just yourself (note it's never just yourself though it can feel that way).
It's why people addicted to things never actually grow in maturity or wisdom, while in their addiction. They have traded facing their fears and growing, with not feeling pain.
In conclusion life is hard, turns out it's designed that way but it also turns out this is where we as humans thrive, if we will just face reality and not use our considerable resources to run away from it.