What to say to Women or F*(& Your Logic!

“What do I say?” I am asked this question all the time by students new to Dating communication, and my reply is always “Anything you want”.

The reason I say that is because, interpersonal communication breaks down to 55% Body language, 38% Tone of voice and 7% Actual Words. 

Which is why a simple sentence can take on a number of meanings, depending on the context. It’s how we detect deceit or incongruence, someone says one thing and their body language says another, perhaps they cannot look you in the eye. We feel this incongruence and suspect the person is lying.

Women are much more attuned to reading incongruence and body language than men are, because their natural language is “feelings”, that is, they share information in terms of how they feel about it.

Men on the other hand speak in logic, and share information in terms of facts. That is not to say women don’t speak logically, they do, or men can’t speak emotionally, they can.

But each sex has a language they are more comfortable with.

Problem With Logic

Effective communication is about making sure your message is received, so we have to think about our audience and our audience in this case is women.

Women, we have established are more comfortable speaking in feelings. However, if she works with men, she will switch to logic, if she goes to school she will switch to logic,  knowing logic is not her first choice, but that she must, use it at work and school, the last thing a woman wants to do is speak in logic during her free time.

But this is how most guys speak to women they are attracted to and unless she is already into you, it simply does not work. 

This is the equivalent of  you going to work and the whole day is emotional sensitivity training, and once work ends you go to your favorite bar to watch the game with your friend from work and all he wants to do is talk, at length, about how the training made him feel, and in addition to that, he insists on you, telling him how the training made you feel. Yea, that’s what we’re doing to women.

Solution

Literally get comfortable, so your body language says comfort, (This will come with practice. More on that later.) and say what you are thinking. “How does that work?” you ask, simple, the truth is we all think in feelings, males just have a habit of immediately translating these feelings into logic, however when we are comfortable and relaxed or are close with who we are talking to, we speak more in feelings. Joking is a key example, because most of the time jokes don’t make sense, they make emotional sense, but not logical sense.

So next time you are in conversation with a woman you are interested in, turn off the editor in your head that insists everything you say has to make sense. He won’t abdicate control easily so whenever he sneaks back behind the controls, say to yourself, out loud “F&%$ YOUR LOGIC!!!” She’ll ask what you said, and you can explain, in ‘feelings’.